Remember Your Gal-entines!
Rather than just celebrating romantic relationships this month, be sure to also show some love to friends. So says Tampa Bay mom, friendship coach and author of “Fighting For Our Friendships,” Danielle Bayard Jackson, who points to the findings of the longest running study on happiness.
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Why should we prioritize our friendships and not just our romantic relationships?
Danielle Bayard Jackson: The number one thing that impacts our overall life satisfaction and wellbeing is the quality of our relationships. That isn’t just limited to our singular romantic relationships! Platonic love is getting more attention in the public discourse around relationships, and I’m here for it!
How do we keep the “friendship flame” alive?
Danielle Bayard Jackson: I encourage people to use the A.D.O.R.E. Practices to keep a friendship going. Each gesture is rooted in the research:
A- Appreciation. Verbalize it early and often.
D- Desire. Express your desire to spend time with friends and to get to know them better. They should never question if you care or whether or not you’re invested.
O- Openness. Vulnerability is the key for keeping closeness and momentum in a friendship.
R- Reliability. Following through on commitments – big and small – establishes trust, and that is the foundation of any relationship.
E- Experiences. The research continues to show that spending time together and having shared experiences is the glue that holds friendships together.
What are some friendship killers to avoid?
Danielle Bayard Jackson: One major friendship killer is making assumptions– assuming your friends are busy so you don’t extend an invite; assuming your friend’s upset so you withdraw; assuming your friend doesn’t mind if you cancel plans.
Wherever there is ambiguity, get clarity instead of scripting their side of the story for them. You’ll have fewer conflicts and misunderstandings.
I love my monthly dinner outings with my “mom friends.” Do you have other ideas for date nights with girlfriends?
Danielle Bayard Jackson: I love to read. You and one or two other friends could spend the month listening to the same audiobook and then invite them over to discuss it. Encourage everyone to bring a snack that’s somehow connected to the theme of the book. This is really fun, introvert-friendly and low-cost … and everyone loves a good theme!
You could also attend a “paint and sip” event or get dressed up and view a museum exhibit. The key is to prioritize connection. If you’re doing that, you can’t go wrong.
What do you say to those moms who feel guilty leaving the family behind to hang out with friends?
Danielle Bayard Jackson: One of the best things you can do for your kids is to let them see you model healthy friendships. This includes intentionally taking time away from the family to pour into friendships.
When our kids see us make time for friends, support our friends and work through disagreements with our friends, then they’ll be sure to follow.
RELATED:
- Ladies, It’s Time To Fight For Your Friendships
Moms to Know: Danielle Bayard Jackson, Friendship Coach, Educator & Author
Originally published in the February 2025 issue of Tampa Bay Parenting Magazine.